Sticks & Stoned (mm)

- That is a very nice ceiling and I love the light, too.


I said and nodded in the direction of the light above us.


Kyle followed my eyes and smiled:


-  Am so happy you like it. It was one of the reasons why I bought this house. When I walked into the living room and saw the plastered mosaic ceiling I was sold.


- The light fitting goes perfectly with it. I like it. I like it a lot.


I said and returned his smile.


The ceiling in my tiny roof flat back home is all flat and white, no wonderful mosaic and barely any decent ceiling lighting. Apart from the small bulbs in the ceiling fan. That is how it is living in a building with little if any character. I love a bit of personality and Kyle’s ceiling had it all, wonderful mosaic and lovely lighting.


-         Am sorry our picnic had to be called short.


He said and looked at me in an all apologising way.


- Nah, don’t worry about that.


I said, and continued:


- We gave it a go and it was fun while it lasted. We knew the weather may cock it up for us.


And reaching out for a thin plastic bag on the floor and opening it, I continued:


- We still have our snacks and who is to say we can’t have a picnic indoors. Like an Irish eccentric.


We both smiled at that and as I emptied the thin plastic bag and placed the sandwiches and cheese and green grapes on the settee between us, we began to tuck in, and the rained-away picnic was now a mere memory.


- Oh, pastrami. Haven’t had one of those in ages. Used to get them a lot but haven’t had one in yonks. Love them.


Kyle grinned, and grabbed the triangle box of sandwiches with his name on. Well, it didn’t really have his name on it, but I got it for him without knowing what it actually was, just because I thought it looked nice and that he may like it. Am not the biggest sliced meat eater in the world, unless we are talking toasties with bit smelted cheese as well, and the prawn and mayo sandwiches that I was secretly hoping would be mine anyway wasn’t bad either. I do like prawns. And mayo. Might be down to my Scandinavian origins, we tend to have more prawns and shrimps in the freezer than we do frozen peas.


- Fancy a movie ?


Kyle asked, and reached out for the remote control on the table in front of us.


- Sure.


I smiled back and as he went on flicking through the listed movies on Netflix, I looked on in my seat on the settee there right next to him. He stopped at Elizabeth The Golden Age.


- This was on the telly the other night, but I didn’t get a chance to watch it. Fancy giving it a go ?


I told him I had seen the first one but not the follow-up but that I have been meaning to watch it for years, which of course I had but never got round to yet. Tonight seemed the perfect time to catch up so The Golden Age, is was.





About halfway through the movie and after pausing it Kyle went for a wee and when he returned, he stopped in front of me on the settee and said:


-  Fancy a bit ‘dear ol’ pipey’ ?


I always bring the odd present with me to people dear to me each time I return to my beloved NE of England and on this trip back to the North East, apart from a few Danish sweets that I knew he would like I had brought with me a pipe for him. I knew he smoked the odd tab, but I have never bought a pipe for anyone before, so it was a bit of a risk. But Kyle loved my present and we had already been puffing away nicely together, first at the pub closest to the guesthouse I was staying at and then again when we went for a night out with shared friends at another pub nearby. But this was the first time we would be puffing away nicely together at his.


-  Of course.


I smiled and got up from the settee and followed him through the kitchen and out into the wonderful backyard with the table and the two chairs waiting for us. It had stopped raining, but everything was still a bit moist from the earlier downpour. Taking a seat each and gently stuffing our pipes, and after a couple tries getting a decent burn going, we were soon puffing away like good ones and it was almost like the late afternoon had taken a wonderfully new turn. I find it hard to watch a full movie in one go anyway so having a smoke break with a dear friend and getting the pipes out was pure bliss.






After a good smoke we went back in and finished the movie. And after a bit of time relaxing in each other’s company and chit-chatting it was now time to cook tea. I had already told him I would like to make us an old-fashioned lasagne, but we needed a few bits and bobs. And a nicely brief visit to the supermarket very close by later and getting a bottle of Jackie and a few cans as well I was all set to make our tea.


It is fair to say, I am not the most confident around a gas oven, nor that I am the best cook ever to grace the planet. But you do what you can and the hops at Kyle’s were similar to the ones at the allotment back home. It is just the oven part itself that I need a bit of help with. Last time I used one was when I lived in Shildon about a decade ago and during my unfortunate three months stay there I only used the gas oven once to somewhat limited success. And not knowing what the end result would be like with the lasagne either I opted for at the same time to cook a second dish just in case. A simple meat sauce with noodles. Or ‘pasta’ as Kyle corrected me at the shop. Something I was pleased to hear as each time I say the word ‘noodles’ I sound like The Swedish Chef.


And this is where the bottle of Jackie entered the picture. It may sound a bit odd at first, but I always put in a couple of glucks of whiskey into my lasagne sauce. Not the bechamel but the meat sauce. It gives a nice background flavour and helps spice the dish up a bit, too. And really, does it sound that daft ? I mean, people happily use stout in their stews or white wine in their fish dishes, not to mention the many uses of red wine in cooking. A couple of glucks of Jackie in a lasagne isn’t too out of the norm when you think about it. And there is plenty left from a fresh bottle like this one for a few wee drams later as well. What is not to like.


To cut a somewhat dull cooking story short, involving a very nice Spotify playlist with ol’ crooners being backed by my humble brumming while cooking the two dishes, about thirty minutes later the pasta dish was all done and the lasagne cooking nicely in the oven. With extra cheese on top, just the way we both like it.




- This is very nice.


Kyle smiled after the first bite when the lasagne was successfully out the oven and had had a little rest, and continued:


- You can taste the bourbon as well.


Bourbon may be the correct way but to me Jackie will always be whiskey.


- Am pleased to hear you like it.


I smiled back and as we both got tucking in nicely, we watched a new series on Netflix about all things nice and naughty. I had seen it before, but Kyle hadn’t and even though I had my doubts at first about whether or not he would like the series, too those thoughts were put to shame pretty much straight away. I know he is an open-minded lad; it is one of the many things I like about him and one of the many reasons we got on straight away the first time we met a couple of years back. But it is always good to be proven right about people you love. Especially in good ways.  


The series had about seven short episodes and we ended up clocking them all in one setting. In one of the episodes the main male character was asked by his straight roommate to finger him. A scene, when it eventually came about, that made my good friend squirm a bit in his seat next to me on the settee. Which made us both snigger the best of ways.


When the final episode was done it was getting dark outside. But that wouldn’t stop us from going back outside and into his backyard for another bit of ‘dear ol’ pipey’. And as Kyle went for a wee again, I found my seat again outside. I was in the middle of stuffing my pipe when he came back out with a delightful grin on his face:


- I have a little bit of weed that someone left, from the house party the other night, fancy smoking it ?


Being no stranger to a bit of wacky baccy I was all up for that, of course, and as he went back inside and came straight back out with a small wrapped up piece of paper we soon found ourselves both seated by the round table out the back. The rain clouds from the afternoon had long vanished and been taken over by a slight breeze and a view to the stars in a clear sky above us.


- I don’t know how strong it is but we’ll find out.


He grinned and passed me the wrapped-up piece of paper with the weed inside. Dividing it into two equal portions I handed his half back to him, after I had mixed it with my normal pipe baccy and gently stuffed it into my beloved pipe.


-  I have never smoked it from a pipe before.


 He said, gave me a smile and continued:


- Am not really used to smoking it.


Holding my stuffed and ready to puff pipe I returned his smile and watched as he mixed his half of the weed the same way as I had done and stuffed his own pipe, nice and gently.


It took a couple of tries but we soon both had a nice burn going. The air around us filled up with the most glorious scent of sweet pipe baccy mixed with the unmistakable scent of good weed. For about a minute or so we sat in silence puffing away nicely and just enjoying the moment and the time together while giving each other the odd grin. Then Kyle suddenly got up from his chair:


- I fancy a beer, would you like one ?


He said and put his pipe down onto the table.


- Sure.


And while still puffing away nicely at my end he went back into the kitchen, grabbed us two bottles of lager and came back out into the backyard with one in each hand. Passed me one and sat himself down again with his bottle.




One bottle became two and two became three. And after having finished both the second and third set of bottles as well as the naughty pipes we went back inside. Leaving the clear skies and gentle breeze for another night. On our way back to the lounge we grabbed some more lasagne, which went down even better the second time ‘round, probably due to the weed as well as the wee drams of whiskey that shortly followed. And when we eventually turned in about an hour or so later having listened to some good tunes and chatted and giggled till well past Midnight, only about a third of the lasagne was left on the kitchen table.




- You know what ?


I smiled as we went upstairs.


- What ?


Kyle giggled and almost tripped on the staircase.


- We never got ‘round to watch the chav porno we talked about last year.


Stopping in his attempt to walk the next of the stairs he turned around and looked me straight into my eyes. Or as straight and focused as the bottles, wee drams and weed allowed.


- Fuck it, let’s do it !


And giggling like silly people we turned around and walked back down the stairs again and back into the lounge, turned the telly back on and as I got comfortable in my seat on the settee again Kyle grabbed his laptop and began searching for all things nice and naughty. And within what seemed like seconds but probably was more like ten minutes with us both giggling all the time at the various titles popping up on the porno website, we had begun casting a movie from there to the telly that we both liked the sound of.


Little happened in the movie at first but that didn’t stop our andy from beginning to show signs of wellness in my Summer shorts. Placing a hand on top of my growing crotch I looked over at Kyle sitting next to me on the settee.


- You OK ?


I smiled. I didn’t want him to do anything he didn’t really want to do.


- Oh yes, am good.


He smiled back and looked at me, then at my crotch where I had begun to move my hand around a bit. Then back up at me again. Keeping eye contact we both began to fondle ourselves from outside of our shorts. The naughty movie being casted to the telly was a mere soundbite in the background than anything, really.


- Mind if I take my cock out ?


I smiled.


-  No, go for it, I insist.


Kyle smiled back and moved his focus back to my crotch again.


Unzipping my orange canvas shorts and undoing the top button and not wearing anything underneath them I slowly moved my right hand inside my shorts and began to touch our andy. All while looking at Kyle sat there next to me whose focus was still very much on my crotch and my slow hand movements. But before long, and just as I gently pulled our andy out into the open and freed him from my shorts, and still with his eyes focused on my crotch and now solid hard cock, Kyle lifted his arse a bit and pulled his own shorts down. Revealing the most beautiful cock I have seen in some time. It was rock solid, delightfully pointy and as he began to slowly stroke himself off I could see a drop of clear pre-cum surface as he gently squeezed it out of his cock head and with a loving touch smeared it into the top of his cock.


Sitting this close to him and watching him pleasure himself in the gentlest of ways turned me on so much. I barely noticed the chav porno on the telly screen and to my delight neither did he seem to. Our eyes met again:


- That’s it, mate...


I said, borderline whispering.


- That’s it, stroke it for me.


-  Yeh… You, too buddy.


Kyle smiled back also whispering, like we didn’t want anyone else to hear us.


I don’t know for how long we sat there stroking ourselves off, time flies when you are having fun, but it didn’t take long to feel my ballsack pull up, getting ready to do their part.


- Am getting closer, mate.


I smiled and looked first at his hard cock and then up at him, following the beautiful line of dark chest hair, to his beard and finally his eyes, which met mine again.


-  Me, too...


He said, still almost whispering but with a slightly heavier breathing now.


- Wanna cum with me ?


I whispered back still keeping eye contact.


- Yeh...


He smiled.


And our gentle stroking was replaced by harder and a bit more eager motions of hand movements. Stroking ourselves off harder and harder it wasn’t going to take long now for us to climax.


- Mate...


I said, in equal whispering and moaning measures and lifted up my t-shirt with my other hand while continuing to wank myself off with the other.


- Am gonna cum...


Kyle pushed himself further back into the settee:


-  Me, too… Am gonna cum.


He moaned in the horniest of ways and within just seconds he shot his creamy load onto his hairy tummy and chest in the most pleasing of sounds.


-  Mmmmmm !


He moaned and as he slowed down his wanking hand and squeezed the last bit of hot cum out of his cock, I shot my own load onto my tummy, too:


- Fuuuuck ! Mmmm !




Kyle, having shot his load first, got on his feet while I was still trying to get my breathing back to a somewhat normal, and giggling and with his hard cock still nicely dangling he left the lounge. Only to return straight away with some kitchen roll, pulled a couple of sheets off and passed them to me. And as I wiped my tummy clean of cum, he did the same with his hairy tummy and chest. Took a couple of extra sheets to get the cum out of the hairs but it was a pleasure to sit and watch him do it.


- Shall I get that ?


He said when he was done wiping his upper body for cum and reached out and grabbed my cum-filled sheets of kitchen roll. Then he went back into the kitchen and as I rested my back onto the back of the settee and smiled to myself, I could hear him scramble with a plate.


- Look what I found.


He grinned as he came back into the lounge carrying two plates with the left-over lasagne, one in each hand.


-  Waste not want not.


He said and handed me one of the plates and then found his seat on the settee next to me again holding a plate of his own. The lasagne had long gone cold and the cheese topping stiff, but I actually prefer cold lasagne to straight-from-the-oven lasagne. Kyle didn’t seem to mind eating it cold, either and we agreed we would struggle finding a better and comfier way to end what was really meant to be a picnic day out. Like someone once said, a bit of rain never harmed anyone.




We eventually turned in and as I placed my head on the pillow in my room, I smiled to myself, the weather forecast for tomorrow said more rain.